“I NEED YOUR HELP. BEFORE I FREAK OUT,”
A frantic text popped up on my phone’s group chat labeled “The Sisterhood Triangle”, as I was cleaning my room/having a Spotify #partay. 3 of us are in that chat. I prepared for the worst. I sat down, waiting for the grey speech bubble to finish (Sidenote: Raise your hand if you’ve ever dealt w/conflict or an anticipated response via text, and it literally feels like impending doom in the form of a grey speech bubble with those dang “…” flitting back and forth *raises hand*). 1/3 of the “Sisterhood Triangle” (who is a total businesswoman BOSS, might I add) continued her story,
“So I’m filling out this vendor application form…and the form has a question on it…”
Calvinist or Armenian? Do you support animal rights? Can we buy your plasma? The nanosecond guesses were endless. The daunting question? “Fun fact about yourself (unrelated to your business):”
“I AM DRAWING A BLANK. Am I even fun?! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW A FUN FACT ABOUT ME CURRENTLY!”
AM I EVEN FUN?! This childhood friend of mine, now a business owner and rad human all in one, is THE ESSENCE of the word “Fun” in my book. Growing up, I always said that she was the Rizzo of us (ok; more strings attached, but you get the point). And to this day? She and her husband’s savvy, eclectic, restored 1920s home in the city is the ultimate GO TO when one needs to escape life, venture off for a fun weekend night, and just enjoy fantastic company. She will always have some sort of wine and cheese board ensemble, or weird food concoction I’ve never tried, tea or coffee to compliment, Cards Against Humanity or something to show us that she finds smashingly hilarious, probably is wearing lipstick, and is just a total badass at hosting. If it were up to me, I’d probably still be wearing sweaty running clothes and offer everyone unfiltered tap water and some toast. But this friend? She’s like this multi talented, multi skilled, multi good at cooking/hospitality/making you laugh wine out your nose kind of friend. And yet? “Am I even fun?” Like, what the actual dump?
Our group chat suddenly burst into lists of ALL the amazingly rad, fun qualities about this friend. High-school videos (circa iPhone before it even had a number after it) that could honestly be blackmail at this point in our lives, old photos, memories, and a whole menagerie of “HEY SISTER, YOU’RE FLIPPING AWESOME, AND YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IT!” were sent.
It was this 20 minute, spam text, gush fest with a heaping tablespoon of humor and choice words, but more than that, it was 3 sisters lifting each other UP. It was speaking LIFE and GOOD into someone who genuinely, despite their touch of humor in this question, needed to be reminded of who they were. And then it donned on me: Not all cheerleaders need pom poms. At least, not the cheerleaders in my life. I am encircled by some amazingly fierce, grace giving, truth speaking, courageous, audacious, bodacious (oooh yeah; we gotta “acious” theme going!) women. I do not say that lightly. I am surrounded by people who will speak hard truth to me when I need it (I literally asked The Sisterhood Triangle if I sounded like an asshole in a contributing piece I’ve been working on, because I KNEW I would hear the real deal!), but equally stand by me in my darkest, most brutal moments, pray fervently, listen intently, and encourage the freaking HECK out of me when I am on a mission.
I believe that community and a sisterhood (or brohood;)) is probably the most life giving element to our lives. When we do LIFE with people and KNOW each other – not “know of” each other – but deeply and truly understand each others’ soul…that is where we begin to heal, to flourish, and if we really win the lottery…this is where we have our own pom pom-less cheerleaders (Ash, you are the exception, dearest!;)) rooting for us. There is something incredibly beautiful about having a circle of people who will share in your joy, and not take away from it. As an ambitious 20 something, I have firsthand experienced how nasty many can respond to dreams coming true, success, or mindlessly projecting envy when one even steps out in Faith. This is not sisterhood. This is not community. This is not life giving.
In Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book Boundaries (10/10 recommend), they describe envy as this:
“Envy defines ‘good’ as ‘what I do not possess,’ and hates the good that it has. How many times have you heard someone subtly put down the accomplishments of others, somehow robbing them of the goodness they had attained? Envy is a self perpetuating cycle. Boundaryless people feel empty and unfulfilled. They look at another’s sense of fullness and feel envious…Your envy should always be a sign to you that you are lacking something.”
Have you ever felt your spirit suddenly grow 10x its size, when someone joined you in your excitement or victory or the fruit of your labor? Let me tell you: Keep those people. Hold them close. We NEED our cheerleaders on those sidelines to both spur us on in the discomfort of the grit, but also to celebrate and partake in the joy of our successes. We need people to speak LIFE into us. It’s like watering a wilted flower, and watching it stand tall again. My cheerleaders might not be on a playing field, but they look like women anywhere from 16 years old, to 70 years old.
My cheerleaders are the kind who invite you over to make chocolate chip waffles at 10PM, take a 6 hour drive, fly from NoCal to your Los Angeles apartment when you just need someone to be present, ask if you want to join them for a late night walk or early morning run, open up their “Holy porch” (or after trees crashing down, open up their beautiful, woodland home where piano music always streams through Spotify), Marco Polo you after a hectic day and remind you of who you are. They are the kind of cheerleaders who can listen, empathize, tell me what I don’t want to hear but need to hear, walk through grief and pain and darkness as a shoulder to lean on, all while cheering me on at the same time. My cheerleaders are the kind who can humble themselves and ask that daunting question, “AM I EVEN FUN?!” and get the same support showered to them in return.
International Women’s Day was 2 days ago, and I can’t help but think: Dang, this is what it’s all about. We do, indeed, rise by lifting others UP. Let’s be life giving. Let’s be truth and grace. Let’s share in someone else’s joys. Let’s go and REMIND our sisters (or brothers! C’mon guys!) WHY they are SO RAD AND FUN! Let’s shout and clap and cheer, even if we don’t have pom poms.