MOUNTAIN THERAPY // Kalispell, MONTANA

“So Kelly and I have been reading your blog, and it sounds like you need some mountain therapy,” My cousin’s voice said through the other end of my phone. I sat on my bedroom floor, probably having just gotten way too caught up in my head or predetermining life’s impending doom.

“…And were wondering if you’d like to come out to Montana?”

It was my cousin, who I hadn’t seen since October, when we met up in Los Angeles for the day. Obviously, my answer was YES upon YES upon YES. But oh my goodness – it felt as if a piece of my soul had just regrown. If you keep up with my blog or Instagram (also like my micro blog??), then you know that I am not shy about sharing that “red dot” of where I am in life. I have still kept many happenings under the radar until they finish unfolding, but let me tell you, this phone call and this incredible trip were SO timely.

I’m going to be real honest: I legitimately have felt like I was going insane many, many times since Covid19 hit. It was like running from the cruel city, to a fresh start, to that fresh start being ripped away, to feeling like a sick repeat of the traumatizing events that was Los Angeles in my life. I had my new life setup, and was ready to rock n roll. And in a few month’s time, I was suddenly living off of my savings account, jobless, resorting to old habits I thought I’d kicked to the curb, battling unwanted thoughts I resorted to in the past, battling the worst health flareup of my LIFE (thank goodness makeup and pretty dresses exist), and my only piece of routine and structure and sanity being 1) my running schedule and 2) medical appointments. Oh, you thought I was joking? Yeah, I texted my coach at one point that having the schedule was as pivotal to me as buying food. I also found myself excited about seeing my NP for labs. You know it’s gotten bad when approx. 928374 rounds of needles in your arm is the highlight on the calendar. Yes; yours truly has truly verged on insanity.

All of that to say? It’s easy to see a free spirited little lady’s Insta or FB or blog posts, and assume 100% of it is all just leisure, or she’s “Like so lucky” or life is sexy. Let me tell you, life has been 90% unsexy valleys and trials, struggling to be patient, and many times of emotionally breaking down in private. The fun stuff has truly been God’s grace and kindness – kind of like a heavenly goodie bag?!

Spending the week with my cousins was life giving. I adore these people SO much, and being able to cultivate time with them is actually a bit of a miracle in and of itself! Growing up, I never knew them well. It is because of my most lovely great-grandmother and her second marriage, that we all are connected. Here’s a quick history lesson: My great-grandmother (who passed away at almost 101 YEARS OLD) lost her first husband (my great grandfather) due to complications with diabetes, and remarried well into her 60s. With her second marriage (which is a cray craaaay story in and of itself;)), came a whole new family line! As a little girl, I vividly recall visiting my great-grandmother in her assisted living apartment, and flipping through a little photo album of faces I’d never met before.

Angie and Kelly’s family were among those faces, and in my curious nature, I wondered what they were like. Fast forward to 2011. My great-grandmother turned the big 1-0-0. Yes, she was a TROOPER, mind sharp as a tack, and was still investing in others and leading Bible studies, even amidst her ripened age and slowly becoming feeble. We had a HUGE 100th birthday party for her, and it was then that I finally met and connected with the faces of that little photo album I always flipped through.

I was 16 years old at the time, and incredibly introverted and quiet. I remember the kindness of Angie and Kelly though, and how at home and easygoing they made conversation feel, despite my awkwardness as a teenager. 😉 The next time we saw them, was when our great-grandmother passed away on the brink of turning 101. As we left the graveside service, I recall driving away and wondering if we’d ever see them again, or if something like a funeral was really the end.

Well, God does funny things, because I moved out to Los Angeles, and Angie and Kelly’s daughter (also my cousin!), Kelsi, moved to Orange County. WHAT?! And so, I saw them twice more. And then, I left the big city for NC again, and they left their home in GA for the land they are building on in Montana.

It’s not every day you’re invited to basically live off grid in an RV for a week. As in, ZERO cell service, 20 minutes down a dirt road just to get to the gravel drive, RV literally in the middle of a forest, and Mother Nature being the only source of entertainment, kind of off grid. And I loved every second of it. Angie and Kelly mutually agreed that Montana was basically made for me, and after visiting, I too am convinced.

Montana was the most tremendous blessing. It was timely, and in the most Divine way. Heavenly Father is so good. Ever since initially uprooting to Los Angeles, I’ve come to adore and appreciate the solitude of the mountains and the stillness of nature. I used to cringe at the thought of vacationing anywhere even semi off grid. Growing up, I thrived off of bustle and city lights and hype. I could pass up Mother Nature any day. Now, I crave it like a PMSing woman craves chocolate. There is something so magical about the mountains. The air is crisp, the colors are rich, and it feels like walking through God’s handcrafted palette. After driving cross country twice (Colorado was a fave!), living out West, and many trips to Blue Ridge Parkway on the East Coast as a child, I’ve experienced the beauty and awe of some pretty incredible mountain ranges. Each of them are so special, and bring their own mountainous zing to the table.

Montana was my personal favorite. Words and photos hardly do it justice. I’m telling you, it was like being crushed by the sheer glory of the Creator. As we descended, I glanced in the rows ahead, and one thing was consistent: Everyone’s nose was pressed against the window; all purely mesmerized by the majestic heights. Also, I made a new BFF named Bekah, who randomly turned to me in line and offered me a cookie just because (“HEY!! I have a giant cookie if ya want it!”) She legit reminded me of Luna from Harry Potter, if Luna were from Kansas and wore hiking pants and a face mask with ears of corn on it.

My cousins are ridiculously adventurous. They have done all things from triathlons, to running, to rock climbing, to dirt biking, to backpacking, to encountering bears in the woods, to driving cross country in an RV, where their new home will be built. I love stepping out of my comfort zone, but I also have parameters that one must draw out. Let’s just say: Angie and Kelly will 100% draw it out of you! Ha!! Terrified of driving a side by side straight up a mountain? Great! Buckle up, because you’re def gonna drive it STRAIGHT UP that mountain! Terrified of shooting a rifle? Terrified of its kick to the shoulder? Great! Here’s a crash course, ear protection, glasses, and a bull’s eye! Just “lean forward” and pull that trigger! Haven’t hiked in a hot minute? Great! You’re athletic enough, so here’s a hike categorized as “strenuous” at Glacier Park! Haven’t adapted to a bike saddle in at least 3 years? Great! Let’s go for a 23 mile bike ride through the countryside. Here’s some padded shorts and a helmet!

It was good for my soul. I felt so alive; so healed. Being outside moving, absorbing sunshine on my skin, and experiencing the jaw dropping views with all 5 senses…is something I will never forget. At the end of each day, I went to bed so fulfilled. All I could think was, “THIS is how we were created to thrive!” Being unplugged, an hour from wifi, starting the day at 5AM, and ending it on the mountaintop, watching the sunset from an eno…was pure bliss. Above all though, purely just spending time with Angie and Kelly was so fantastic. They are full of epic stories and recollections and so much fun to adventure with! I am convinced that Angie and I share part of a soul. We are both obsessed with family history/genealogy (she’s the pro!), and many of our roadtrips were spent reminiscing of our great-grandmother, or learning some INSANE family stories from her. Fun fact: She informed me that I have a cousin who lives in PARIS. And yes, you better believe that Paris is next on my list. 😉

Both of our hearts are probably in the shape of a mountain range or beach (aka: the outdoors is absolutely magical to both of us!), and the last half of our 12 mile hike ZIPPED by from our conversation. I almost forgot I was even walking! Angie and Kelly are two people who will PULL the bravery out from you, while simultaneously being your biggest cheerleader. Angie smiled, and directed me to drive the side by side STRAIGHT UP a mountain (GULP). Kelly smiled, and taught me how to shoot a rifle (“What’s the coolest gun you have?”). I am pretty sure they are fearless. They love God, love people, and love His creation. My soul SOARED being out there with them, and I def plan on returning.

We hiked, roadtripped (a LOT), bike toured the countryside, kayaked on the bluest lake I’ve ever seen, eno hammocked under the stars (until literally hearing a bird alert in a tree top, and then a freaking bear growling at 1:30AM, gathering all my stuff in approx. 1/2 a nanosecond, and zipping down the mountain LOL), and spent two full days at the mesmerizingly beautiful Glacier National Park: Round 1 was a 12 mile hike (and getting ridiculously sunburnt). Round 2 was driving the entire mountain. Twice. And Angie being the ultimate, most epic adventuring driver buddy. And stopping approx. every 1/2 mile for photos. I have a confession:

Landscapes and nature are NOT my forte. I am a people photog, thrive off of moody portraits and the micro-expressions of human behavior being captured, and faces are basically my comfort zone. Landscapes? Nature? Well. It’s a challenge. And especially with a 35mm (my go to portrait lens!). You see, I can guide people, talk to them, help them ease into a pose or watch an emotion come to the surface…but Mother Nature is as she is. I can’t talk to the light and shadow, grass and plants, or tell an overwhelming mountain to slide over in that little pool of light real quick. Portraits, couples, weddings, and we’re good! But nature? It’s a challenge. Well, Heavenly Father is so good…

Kelly is to thank for much of these results and the aesthetics of these images. He blessed my socks off via his array of AH-MAZING Nikon gear. He basically said, “Peruse through, and take whatever you want!” And we’re talking….uhm…a fortune’s worth of gear. That in and of itself is a miracle, because 99% of every photog I know shoots Canon, and Canon lenses do not mount to Nikon bodies! Kelly, on the other hand, is both a Nikon junkie (FIST BUMP!) and a flipping incredible landscape photog. He captures and tweaks the depth, colors, and intensity of the scene so well, so the bar was set high! His 24-70mm lens caught my eye, and it was my D800’s BFF at Glacier. I was pretty smitten, and it WILL be my next investment in photo gear!

Angie and I headed out crazy early to catch the sunrise. We were up by 5AM, and left with plastic cups of granola, allll the coffee, and I quite literally found myself a smidge antsy about how my stab at landscapes/nature would turn out. First off. The LIGHT. It was perfect. I could have eaten it for breakfast. Why? Because it was MOODY. It was overcast just enough, but also allowed for some sun to peek through. Kelly’s advice was to shoot at a super low ISO, and equally low shutter speed. Photog talk here, but I am NOT used to shooting this way! Faces + ambient light determine much of my camera settings, and I can nearly guess ISO/aperture/shutter speed at first glance! So basically, it was like rewiring HOW I shoot. 😉 A bit like learning to write with a non-dominant hand?!

I was in awe. Angie and Kelly: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything. You make me want to be brave, and I adore you guys so much! If you have read this far, I am so happy you have stuck around, and I hope that these images somehow, someway, bless you. I hope that you can feel the crisp, nose nipping air of the peaks, warmth of the sunshine on your skin, wind from the Jeep’s 1990s zip window ripping through. I hope you can smell the richly sharp aroma from the Aspen wood and the spruce. I hope you can hear the ease of the river and the echo of birds. I hope you see beauty. And I hope you sense the weight of God’s glory through His creative palette. My friends, enjoy the beautiful Montana.

“So run like a vagabond, carry the flame
Run for the children and run for the slaves
Hold it up high with a message of faith
Don’t ever stop moving on
Just run like a vagabond.” -Bethany dillon