November 7th, 2019 Today, I think my life may have changed. I woke up, feeling the weight of another mundane, ordinary day. I felt tired. Sluggish. Completely unmotivated. But I felt in my heart that I needed to go run. I didn't want to. Since the breakup, my joy for the sport has come and gone. But after lounging around and procrastinating for over an hour, I[...]
As I sit here on Christmas morning inhaling coffee, I find myself in deep reflection. Is this not the most peculiar Holiday season we've ever experienced? Or maybe that's just me. If that's you too though, welcome to the VIP club! 2020 has already been the weirdest year in the history of my 24 years of living ever, but something about the anticipation of the Holid[...]
"In the shelter of Your presenceIn the shadow of Your wingsI am safe, I am safeI will hold onto Your promiseYou will not abandon meI am safe, I am safe."[...]
"...As I have been easing into womanhood and fighting/surviving to take care of myself, so I desire the same care from a significant other or a spouse. I am at a point of relationally seeking a husband; not a long term dating relationship, a fuzzy future, and staying in hopes of getting a ring that might not ever come." One year ago, I typed out a 2 page lette[...]
I am forever trying to find the sweet middle of embracing my brain's dreamlike, creatively wired thought process, and seeing the cold, hard reality for what it really is. I think in pictures and stories and emotions, and spend much of my time lost in thought. I brainstorm the magnificent things that could be, and it feels like such sweet relief to hang out in the clo[...]
"Boring," I sat in my tiny L.A. apartment, staring at the wall, "I miss boring." I think a lot of people assume that my life in the big city looked just like that photo above: Glam, excitement, collaborating with the VIPs and cool kids, adventure, access to totally legal marijuana (wink) (but seriously, I think 420 is Hollywood's version of MLM essential oils - li[...]
Let's just say it like it is: Breakups suck. There's no way around it. No matter how emotionally mature you are, no matter how mutual the conclusion was, no matter how respectable the breakup ended, or no matter how many telltale red flags told you to run for the hills, they suck. The human heart was not created to endure such agony. It was not created to become atta[...]
For nearly 6 years, I was a slave to perfection, unattainable standards, and an insatiable obsession to be skinny, and to feel weightless. The bar felt like it was always raised so high, and I could never quite reach it. You see... When I turned 17, everything changed. It's like I went through a time capsule in a handful of months. No; I'm serious. I got my period[...]
My alarm buzzed at 5AM. My stomach churned. All of the bags that were once packed with ambition and hopes and dreams, now served as a painful reminder of unfulfilled expectations. I brewed one last pour over on my tiny LA apartment's countertop. "Am I really doing this?" It felt like sneaking around; running like hell from a toxic relationship or person. Only, it was[...]
(Written 10/30/19) In my perfect mind, this title would be more like: "I AM BOSTON QUALIFIED AND NOW I'M TRAINING FOR A SUB 3:00:00!!!!" But alas, if anything lately, I have learned that reality has quite a funny way of smashing lofty expectations. In case you're foreign to the term "DNF" it translates to: Did Not Finish. As in - you quit during the[...]