Strength In Sisterhood

Last week was flipping ROUGH. Imagine every aspect of a young woman’s life being off kilter. Yeah; that was me. From my body image to my love life to cancelling everything to a nervous-overwhelmed-estrogen-breakdown in my church parking lot, it was quite the eye candy. And then, a baby cherub in the form of the most beautiful snail mail from TX floated to my mailbox. I ripped open a package with the most 1970s savvy, orange shirt, which had the words of my title above. Shayla, I’m air hugging you from NC to TX! It got me thinking…

I’ve had some less than pleasant experiences within female friendships throughout my life. Dating back as far as 1st Grade, I was always the “peacemaker” or “middle man” or the “messenger” (especially if a crush was involved), but that also snagged me as easy prey for any triangles to slander. Throughout my life, I’ve been called some nasty stuff and encountered some downright nasty people. I’ve been sub-tweeted, gossiped about, lied to, and manipulated for others’ personal gain. From childhood to adulthood, I’ve been reminded that my legs were twiggy or my hair was frizzy or my skin was pale or my boundaries were stupid or my hurt was irrational or my opinions written off because I was “young”. I’ve been flocked with DMs that my “honest and passionate” thoughts are #OnFire…until I am ghosted or sub tweeted or unfriended or unfollowed, because suddenly that “honest and passionate” thought isn’t in their favor. Mm.

“I just prefer to hang out with guys.“

Raise your hand if you’ve ever said those words. *raises hand* That was me in a season not too many years ago. In my head, guys were more rational, less emotionally driven, enjoyed the deep discussion stuff like I did, and I felt a sense of strength, dignity, and weird kind of void being filled by spending time with them. In my head, girls were dramatic, over exaggerative, and shallow. I hated cliques, parties, and never really felt heard when a pile of females congregated. Females were the professional crosstalkers, interjectors, and dominative forces. My voice felt muted, and in many middle/high school days, parties, gatherings, extracurricular activities, or groups…I did not feel heard. It often felt like being the shy, scrawny, awkward oddball in the back corner, frantically jumping up and down, just to spit out a few words. Just to be heard. While I had a select few girlfriends in my life, I slowly began migrating to my male peers instead. All of that to say…

Female friendships can be hard, pal. Trust me. If you were hurt, belittled, written off, or suffered as the involuntary emotional punching bag of someone’s backstabbing or truest colors…it can be flipping hard to even WANT to reach out again, cultivate friendship with someone again, much less build a foundation of trust again. At least, it was for me.

And then, I experienced the strength in sisterhood.

Let me tell ya, SISTERHOOD far outweighs FRIENDSHIP, and having a SISTER far outweighs having a “girlfriend” or “BFF”. It takes commitment, work, and intention, but it is not HARD and it can absolutely be attainable. Girlfriends and BFFs come and go. Sisters stick together. In a world where countless women deem vagina hats, #FreetheNip, and basically the worship of the female gender as “empowerment”…I’m here to tell you that these radical approaches expose more of our brokenness to feel heard and known, than it does our togetherness and sense of being whole. I believe it is such the same idea when we claim how little we need each other, and replace our sisters with bros as the go to and center. Men: You are rad and amazing and tenacious and sharp and good looking and hot and we need you too. In fact, I can’t imagine the world WITHOUT our brothers: AKA men. But we need more than JUST you. Females need sisterhood. And you need bro(ther)hood. But that’s another topic! So, what does sisterhood look like? What does empowerment look like when we bind together? Well, this is what MINE looks like.

I just want to say:

Females are freaking incredible. And not just because we are capable of literally ejecting human beings. We are an unstoppable force when we band together; when we cultivate a sisterhood. We don’t run the world, but we are a joint piece in it. We are activists. We are powerhouse speakers. We see a need, and we strive to meet it. We see an issue, and we dig deep to expose it. You know who I have seen spend HOURS researching, writing, and daring to share the facts with others, amidst Covid-19 happenings, the MOST? WOMEN. Many being my SISTERS. Our “obnoxious” voices are what break barriers, crush walls, and pave the way for necessary changes. We are truth speakers. And we openly speak that same truth to each other. We are the runners who definitely will keep the other on pace. We set 5AM alarms, pound out 10, 15, 20 miles, and will do so even if it’s 100% humidity. We are the faces who pull each other through the training, shout “YOU’RE A BADASS!” to the other killing it, and show up to support during the race. We are the faces who will see the other struggling through that set of pushups after finishing ours, get down, and keep each other finishing strong – even if it means 10 more reps ourselves. We are the first go to and cry fest buddy when there’s a breakup, or there are symptoms of a suitor being a prick.

We are the embrace or fervent prayer warrior or life speaker or word vomit acceptor when life downright SUCKS. We are the faces who open our doors for another at 10PM for waffles + wine, or a Taylor Swift documentary. We are the Skype buddies who read Henry Cloud books together, even if we live states away. We are the safety net + DD if someone accidentally has too much wine on an empty stomach (#NotMe), and the couch to crash if it’s really bad. We pull each other up mountains (literally) and motivate each other through 10 hours of shooting weddings and are the ultimate fountain of joy and laughter if it’s a 12+ hour road-trip. We reach out to each other in the dark moments. We drive or fly or FaceTime, even if it’s just to listen. We see each other’s mascara smeared raccoon eyes and ugly crying snot. We see each other’s starry eyes if one falls in love, and we scream on the phone when it’s #FacebookOfficial. We share in each other’s victories and joys. We strive to bring darkness to LIGHT. We seek justice and channel our righteous anger for the change that we seek. We “RISE” when we “Lift the other up”. We solve the world’s problems every time we enter a coffee shop. We love fiercely. Even if it means saying the uncomfortable words, and taking a temporary hurt to become a better version of ourselves. We are collaborators, encouragers, truth speakers, challengers, demon slayers, change makers, mission takers, and God fearers. THIS is the strength of sisterhood. THIS is MY sisterhood.

And this is what mine has looked like in many different scenarios, seasons, and faces.

I’ll be your eyes, when yours can’t shine
I’ll be your arms, I’ll be your steady satellite
And when you can’t rise, well, I’ll cry with you on hands and knees
‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you. [Rachel platten]