running unplugged + moving forward

Something that I am learning lately…is that it is okay to PLAY. I’ve recently taken a bit of a social media app hiatus, therefore resorting to life updates on HERE! I absolutely love writing about the nitty gritty, grey area, deep stuff, but it also can sometimes undermine the everyday life kinda stuff. It can become a pressure of sorts to always have some sort of metaphorical tie or spiritual EUREKA! And ya know – sometimes, that naturally just occurs. I think and basically live by parallels and metaphors and parables, but I am trying to learn to PLAY via even this blog. 😉 It’s like I am having to remind myself, “Hey AG – it is OKAY to be lighthearted and fun! We don’t have to go to Plato’s cave every time!”

I was just telling someone the other week that those who don’t know me well, seem to think that I am this “deep, aesthetic” human…but I am honestly so nerdy and dorky. Seriously. My lack of sleep lately, has come from staying up until midnight watching documentaries on the Cabal and Pizzagate, reading vaccine research studies, and 40 minute long Marco Polo streams with my dearest Floridian friend on all things from our love lives, to the evil and mastermind of Bill gates. But, is it really nerdy, or am I just informed? Million dollar question, baby! I HAVE had some curious questions about some theories I’ve been interested in lately + my thoughts on covid-19, so I will have a blog post dedicated to JUST THAT very soon! It will have ALL THINGS from some Q Theory, to Pizzagate, to Bill Gates, so yeah, buckle up + be ready to jump down some rabbit holes of enlightenment. I also will have pt. ii for our glorious I Touch People For a Living series AND another topic really, super, intimately close to my heart. If you voted on my “Sex poll” on Instagram a few weeks ago, then you know what some of this will be all about. And no; it is definitely NOT what you might think, if your mind’s in the gutter and you are thinking “Cosmopolitan vibes”. Stay tuned!

SPEAKING of Covid-19. Mkay. QUICK rant. But, not on the actual virus. On the PEOPLE reacting TO the virus. Ready? 1) WHY are face masks being worn OUTSIDE or IN CARS?? I was taking a walk around my neighborhood the other day, and 2 men (regarding covid) told me in passing to, “Be careful out there.” Uhm. Americans. I might not be a nurse, doc, med profesh, etc., but listen now: I CAN ASSURE YOU THE VIRUS DOES NOT JUST FLOAT AROUND IN THE OUTDOOR AIR! We need a crash course pathology lesson. Oh my moly. 2) HOW is covering the keypad on card readers with PLASTIC WRAP… actually efficient? “Hmmm – we want to protect the actual keypad from public contamination…so let’s put plastic wrap over it, even though the public will be touching the same layer of plastic wrap! YEAH!” 3) It has donned deeply within that this “societal shutdown” and “pandemic” is the lazy, apathetic, victimized American’s dream come true. It’s like a freaking societal goodie bag! Free money, being a depressed couch potato binging Doritos and CNN quarantine, being dubbed a HERO for the sheer nobility of staying inside or wearing latex gloves in Lidl? Getting to feel superior and patriotic by criticizing everyone else (“You could spread covid!” “You could be the reason someone dies!” #StayHome) living their normal AF life/virtually 0 access as it is to public masses?? Cowering away in fear or pride, not questioning a dang thing? WOW! What an act of service. Everyone gets a trophy! *mic down*

Though this covid-19 madness has quite literally made me feel like I could go crazy at some points, and I may or may not have broken down in a puddle of tears in my church parking lot on Sunday due to ALL KINDS OF LIFE STUFF (whoo!)…I am grateful for the in betweens of simplicity and PEOPLE. I have been to more houses, porches (Hi, Renee!), backyards (Hi, Sarah!), or eno neighbored (Hi, Carson + Tom!) than I have in a LONG time. I’ve taken drives, gone on last minute sushi runs (shout to ya, Ash. Your car was the perfect dining experience LOL!), met up for runs (fist bump, Bethany!), and literally spent 6 HOURS phone chatting with 4 precious souls the other day. While this isn’t everyday life, and I really can have WAY too much space to myself…it makes me appreciate the face to face moments I do have. It’s been lovely. In Los Angeles, COMMUNITY is what my soul starved for, and so, I am trying my hardest to utilize this precious time while it lasts. There’s been a sweetness about seeing so many people out walking, running, reading on a lawn chair, scaling back on the bustle and busyness, and savoring life and its beautiful simplicity.

Running has been my therapy lately. And Head Above Water has been my anthem. I’ve always found joy in it, but ESPECIALLY amidst this season we are all currently enduring! Having a healthy, life giving outlet is so important. My coach has slowly been building up the miles, adding cues for my form, and my favorite – SPEEDWORK is starting to appear on my training schedule! Even if just a smidge! I’ve been asked what my current goals are. At this point? I still just want to get to the START line strong + healthy. More importantly though, I want to KILL IT in the race + make it strong and healthy to the FINISH line…instead of the race killing me. Ha. Long Beach Marathon was absolutely brutal. On my old blog, I posted alllll the gory deats of my DNF/death march/sideline puke-dry-heave-vibes, but really need to re-share it on here. Oh, the horror! Would I love a BQ? HECK YEAH! Would I love a 1:35:00 half? Yes! And to break 20:00 in the 5k? Totally. But for now? Strong + healthy…and ya know…ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE RACE, while running as fast as humanly possible, is my #1 goal. 😉

I’ve been enjoying running UNPLUGGED. That seems to be a theme here lately. I said “BUH BYE!” to Insta for who knows how long, and also to music on my runs. I’ve noticed that my pace is a much more even split (Lindsey Stirling seems to give me the illusion that I can run like a Kenyan for a whopping 3 minutes…and the pattern is that *cough* this never ends well), and brings much more simplicity and calmness to this very pure, very no bells and whistles sport. I landed in a bit of a mud slide during an easy run the other day…

…Picture an AG prancing down some backroads like a happy puppy, enjoying the warmth from the sunshine, talking to herself/Jesus/contemplating the universe (duh), and finding herself a nanosecond later with sh*t booty shorts kinda vibes via Mother Nature’s hidden mudslide on the side of the road. No towel? Neon tank already off? No problem! Neon tank to smear it off, it is!

My coach has been AWESOME though, and his wizardry from strength training, to stretching, to the actual running, to recovery, have made ALL the difference. My body is seeming to accept + store up the miles quite well, which gives me that boost of confidence that I can freaking do this! I admit though, my sleep, nutrition, and overall sanity have been OFF. Whenever I am stressed or overwhelmed, my dearest monthly cycle + digestive system are the first to go. It’s sometimes hard to differentiate if my sabotaging, disordered eating habits from the past are creeping back in as well, or IF it is just my body’s fight or flight response.

But, I am reminding myself that I can still move forward. 1 bad day – or heck, even 1 bad WEEK – does not = falling back to square 1. I have been in this painful, uncomfortable, necessary, and healing season of rebalancing my soul in its entirety. From counseling, all the way to seeing a nutritionist, I am DETERMINED to keep picking myself back up and standing strong in EVERY aspect of my life! Mind. Body. Spirit. ALL of it! YEAH!

So, just as I preach it to others to press INTO joy, even when it feels joy-LESS…so I am learning the same thing. “How will I feel AFTER ___?” I will ask myself. That has been my question in just about every aspect of my life. From everyday habits, to habits I need to BREAK (i.e. nervously biting my fingernails, living off of protein bars, staying up until midnight when my alarm is set for 6AM), this question really shapes my perspective. Hello, my name is Anna Gray Smith, and I am a [self-proclaimed] self-sabotaging human. And I’m not proud of it. But, I’m working on it! Thank you very much to Melanie (nutritionist) @ Abide in the Vine, Dan (counselor) @ Wellspring Community Church, and Brandon (coach) @ High Point Athletic Club, for standing by me in each of your expertise. It has kept me thriving! Whoo hoo!

I’m learning that with a heaping tablespoon of tenacity + grit, there is ALWAYS room for progress and overcoming once daunting barriers. Here’s to moving forward! Happy Wednesday, dear friends! I’d love to hear a habit you’re working to break, OR something you have already overcome. Comment or send an email (or both!) and let me know! *clinks glass*