BEHIND THE SCENES: The Evolution Of An Actor

(Above image courtesy of Jami Vokaty Photography)

I cringe at the word “Actor” or “Actress”. Something about it feels so uncomfortable and awkward, and so I usually resort to “Artist” (or “Weirdo Artist”, if you follow me on FB/Insta;)), because that can encompass everything from photography to acting to writing. Right?!

Maybe it’s because anything I book now is super sporadic. Maybe it’s because I don’t fit the stereotypical mold for the life of a hustling, on the go, always auditioning, always booking actor. Maybe it’s because that used to be my life, but it no longer is the life I want.

It’s funny how you can feel kind of like you’ve lived two completely separate lives. You see, from age 10 to age 20 (yes – a DECADE), all I wanted was to be a successful, WORKING actor. It always annoyed me (and still does) when someone’s reaction is, “ANNA WANTS TO BE A MOVIE STAR!!” Not only is that a one in a million chance, but people think that acting must = FAME and booking a project = FAME and any aspiration in the industry must = MOVIE STAR.

Maybe that’s why I cringe at the word “Actor”. Or maybe it also is because, in my self-tokened phrase, “Where one practices drama…there will BE drama.” There’s a running joke that even theatre kids can’t stand theatre kids.

It’s funny, because in my teen years, I was known as “AG the artist”. And now, I’m known as “AG the runner”, as much of my life – from focusing on sports massage therapy in L.A., to having a running coach (He’s awesome!), to going from twig thin/starving myself at some points to be skinny enough for the industry, to gaining 20+ pounds over the last 3 years (and self claiming to somebody recently, “I actually love having some body fat now!”), and spending much more time outdoors – My life has shape shifted in some various form and fashion.

I’m sometimes asked if I still want to “Be an actress”. Well, I’m here to tell you that I AM an actress (there I go, cringing!), but it is no longer my ultimate dream as a career. Don’t get me wrong, it brings so much joy. If I watch a stage performance or hear a certain musical number, my soul longs to be on stage again. Or, I’ll keep up with some cast turned dear friends on their journey, see what they are booking, and feel that same tug that I did as a teenager.

But I also value sleep (and at this point in my life, enough sleep is literally survival), financial freedom, and enough structure so that I can then allow the time and (stress free!) to put my whole self in a project, when/if it comes. If acting were to take off? Yeah, I’d be down! But the toil and struggle of having to be “ON” all the time, and basing my entire life around it? For me, personally, it is not worth it. I find far more joy and fun in art, projects, and anything acting related, fitting my life…not consuming it!

So what does the evolution of an actor (I originally said “Thespian”, but some people don’t know what that means and would prob associate it with certain organizations. LOL.) look like? What was the past, what is the present, what is the future intention? Who was “AG the Artist”? From stage to film, scroll down + enjoy allll the VIP blurbs!

Fun fact: Queen of first impressions, I abruptly swung my bathroom stall door open…on Breeda Wool…as she was was coming out of hers. If you’ve ever stopped in your own footsteps and thought, “Wow; I’m the most awkward person ever.” Well, just know that I swung a bathroom door open on an A-list actress, so you’re welcome.

I always wanted the superpowers to be able to fly when I was little. And in 2014, that dream came true. 😉 Also wanted to vomit the first flying rehearsal, as being suspended in the air w/a harness corseting one’s organs and pelvic floor is uhm…not a normal feeling.

This was one of the only shows where I got to play a comedic character. Drama is actually my least fave genre/character type to portray (even though I’m naturally kind of obsessed with dark emotions and am kind of dramatic;)), and yet, that is 99.9999% of anything I’ve ever been cast as. Comedic roles and monologues are where I feel fully alive and can let my kooky, off colored humor, freak flag fly! 😉

This was the most dance heavy show I’d ever done in my #LIFE. Growing up, I was always the gymnast, tumbling, body contorting, single movement kind of gal. Dance and gracefulness – HAHAHAHA – was NOT my strongpoint. And yet, I always loved it! At least once I nailed down being able to move in fluidity vs. single movement, one thing at a time, “I wish we could just back hand spring and flip our way through and not have to look pretty,” nature. In fact, when I moved to Los Angeles 2 years ago, I signed up for swing dancing in a room full of strangers (and seasoned 70 year olds – like, bring a change of clothes they got so sweaty, kinda seasoned – who totally kicked my newbie TUSH), and it honestly was one of my highlights in the big city. In Grease, my dance partner and I both were always…uhm…the last of the last of the last to nail down the choreography/swing dancing/twist n’ turn n’ look joe cool dance numbers.

There was one dance break where the choreographer (GASP) wanted the inevitable: Each of the leads and their dance partner to MAKE UP THEIR OWN DANCE SEQUENCE for 8 counts. I remember this guy and I sitting down, watching everyone else pirouette and glide and do some fancy, spinny, coordinated, epic something. Most theatre kids had an advanced dance background. Pointe. Tap. Jazz. Blah blah blah. And then there was us. LOL. His resolution was the best.

“Want to just moonwalk?”

Me: “How do you moonwalk?”

And a YouTube video later, it was a done deal. Was moonwalking even a thing in the 1950s? I have no idea. But, we’ll just pretend that Frenchy and her BF claimed it first. Shhhh – just don’t tell MJ. 😉

Fun fact: I had aprox. 9823749 outfit changes for this show. And very fast ones. Like, strip down in front of crew/cast in the wings and have a helper to change in less than 60 seconds, kinda fast. As fate would have it, the zipper to this dress got lodged one night, and would not unzip. At all. So, I had to run on stage in the completely wrong outfit for what the scene depicted. It was a moment like in nightmares, when you show up to work in your underwear or bathrobe.

And then, I traded vocal lessons and the stage, for on camera classes, and getting my hands dirty in the big, bad industry of TV/Film.

I will never forget this day. Even A-list actors will tell you that film life is not glamorous, and it is completely true. I had just turned 18 years old, and filming for Nicholas Sparks’ The Longest Ride was filming in North Carolina. I signed with an agent for print/tv & film (my ultimate dream at that time – my, the things I learned with that, haha) just a handful of months prior. I had done stage for many years, but was ready to dabble in something new: TV/Film. I saw a casting call for Russian college age students to portray the Black Mountain College art students. Most herd calls for background work just needs bodies to fill the space. And it is usually long, brutal, and boring. This call was much more specific, and the director himself was handpicking each person for this 1940s flashback scene.

Was I Russian? Nope. But, around this time when I chopped my hair off, I recall a man saying I reminded him of (Russian singer) Regina Spektor. So, I submitted nonetheless, and wrote something along the lines of: “I have been told that I look Russian,” submitted a Russian-y looking headshot, and lo and behold – I booked it.

The wardrobe fittings for this was insane. I clearly remember driving to the Greensboro Coliseum with my mom (where they were filming the rodeo scenes), navigating around a zillion people/background for the rodeo scene, and being led back to a gigantic dressing room. You are still kind of herded in like cattle, but this process was a little kinder, since it was only 20 something people selected. I was handed everything from 1940s swimsuits, to blouses and shorts, to jumpsuits and rompers, and with every outfit tried on, the wardrobe/stylists basically talk about what type of body you have, what looks good, what doesn’t, and place you by a wall, where they snap photos from every angle, to see what they want you to wear for filming.

Let’s just say: 1940s clothing is the itchiest, scratchiest, thickest material. Ever. And my chosen wardrobe for a 95 degree, 15 hour day of filming?

Yes. A thick, JEANED jumpsuit for the afternoon scenes. It was brutal. Absolutely brutal. And guess what? No one cares! Haha. If you’re a lead raking in several million, you’ve got royal treatment. Everybody else? Well, if you’re lucky, you get a semi-comfortable holding room and some food. But, you def don’t get first priority or any cush, haha. The morning wardrobe wasn’t too shabby, since the heat was still pretty mild. I was an art student with an easel. If you ever watch this mildly lame romance movie (THERE, I said it….Nicko Sparks and I don’t mesh super well;)) and you see a quick blurb of a girl painting who looks like a 1970s hobbit…then you’ve spotted yours truly. 😉

This set was crazy complex, and super secretive to get to. It was on a farm in the middle of nowhere, with what felt like a 5 mile, backwoods, dirt driveway. We were given an address to park at, which also was in the middle-ish of nowhere. From there, you go to hair and makeup, which all was outside in tents (in August, mind you…so HUMID! And hot!), and then go to holding room (or in this case, “holding tent” #1). From there, when the crew is ready, you then pile into a van to then shuttle you to the actual set/holding room. It was kind of hilarious, because as soon as I signed in and got to holding tent #1, it was literally ‘Merican little AG….and then a bunch of legit Russians, who were what the casting call needed.

I met people with fancy Russian names like, “Svetlana” and “Ekaterina” (insert thick, rolling accent), and then there’s me like, “Oh hey, I’m Anna, from America.”

As you might guess, I was on pins and needles for seeing this on the big screen. It was honestly pretty lame. If you’re a hopeless romantic, you’d probably cry, heart palpitate, and rejoice in Scott Eastwood’s chiseled abs, dreamy persona, and sharp jawline. I’m a realist, so I thought it was corny and dramatic. Haha. Just picture an 18 year old AG sitting awkwardly with her parents in a theater, while the leads have wild shower sex with laser beam lights flashing around, and said awkward AG face palming and cringing and cowering:

“DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP.”

When The Walking Dead first came out, it was on my actors’ high bucket list to be a zombie on the show. “How fun would it be,” I’d say, “To be in an apocalyptic scene and be like, ‘Hey! That’s me!'” When I booked this shoot, I was crazy pumped to be a 1940s zombie with a 1940s zombie husband. If I was too short to be a zombie on TWD (yes, height standards are a #thing for some projects), this would be a fine replacement! Let’s put it this way: I prayed my way through this makeup. It was perhaps the most claustrophobic experience of my life. It wasn’t even full body….just the face…and I legitimately thought I was going to vomit. The director was a professional makeup artist, who specialized in special effect makeup for horror films and some feature films. I was pumped. And then, a mold of latex was placed over my face by one of his artists – ZERO eye sockets, ZERO breathing room. Suddenly, my nose, eyes, and mouth…are being cut around with a sharp object to create breathing room.

“Ok, they do this day in and day out,” I thought to myself, still clearly clinching every muscle in my body.

For zombie makeup, latex and rubbing alcohol are pivotal pieces in getting the rotting flesh, freshly dead vibes. And so, for 2 HOURS, my life was the piercing scent of rubbing alcohol, liquid latex, and the makeup artist’s breath that had remnants of cigarette and alcohol….all right at my face. I was very okay with never being a zombie again. Ever.

I did a lot of background work in my late teens, but it got pretty old, pretty fast. TV/Film is 90% waiting around (seriously – ask anyone whose been on a set), 10% “Action!” You get paid, you get fed, you get to list some cool feature films and TV shows on your resume, but it really is a gamble with getting screen time. You never know what the director is looking for. Sometimes you’re nabbed for some nanosecond fast screen time. Sometimes you get some words to say, in which you then might get a credit at the end and see your name, and an IMDB credit. And other times? Most of the time? It’s a lot of sacrifice, not enough pay, and way too many hours (we’re talking 12-15…minimum) for little to no return. There were some highlights, yeah, but I really was getting no screen time. For some, that is no biggie. They just work in TV/Film for fun, something on the side, or to be able to say they were on a cool and popular set. Others, like myself, wanted to build a body of work. A body of work gives you a demo reel (basically all the best clips of you on camera that are merged together as a sample. Casting directors look at these and base much of their casting off of it, since they want to know what you look like on camera).

I was taking on camera classes, writing my own scripts/monologues, and submitting myself for anything and everything I could get my hands on. I needed more material for a demo reel, and so I started doing shorts, local work, and even scheming my own projects. Some were paid, others were free work, but were exchanged for copies for my demo reel and IMDB credit. High quality clips? Networking opportunities? Deal!

Fun fact: I nursed a stomach ulcer for this short. It was the debilitating, curl up in fetal position, writhe in pain, grasp torso kind of pain. I almost bailed, because I woke up and couldn’t move or eat without feeling as though I could rip out my organs. In between takes, I was either in the bathroom, sipping water, and praying dearly for some sort of ease. One of the actors on cast could tell it was bad. In motherly fashion, she look at my shrugged shoulders, “GI distress?” Except, it was way worse than GI distress. But somehow, someway, we wrapped and I made it through! Glory, glory!

It’s quite ironic, because my ultimate dream for moving to Los Angeles was to pursue a career as an artist. After all, L.A. is basically the mastermind and grand haven for TV, film, collaborations, and all the grits, right?!

Well, yes…and no. You see, Los Angeles might have the best of the best in some aspects, but it also inhabits approx. 1,000,000 other actors who are just as hungry to get their face in the industry and on the screen. At this point in time, I had long terminated the contract with my agent, but I still had all of the databases. In NC, I had much luck with getting auditions and even booking. But L.A.? The market is way oversaturated. Even for free work. If you don’t submit within the hour, you barely stand a chance. I auditioned for a woman in a unicorn costume, and then for The Sound of Music ensemble for an Alaskan tour.

Guess what? I booked neither! I left Los Angeles for reasons that far outweighed the industry, but I was interested to check out the Atlanta scene. The Southeast film scene has some incredible projects, production companies, and a ton of opportunity. The market is smaller than L.A., but it is not overly saturated. Booking work is actually attainable, without being a part of SAG/AFTRA, or having to brave the ridiculous traffic…just for an audition. Networking (in my experience) is easier, people are kinder, and everything feels (dare I say) simpler. Aside from Covid19 basically shutting the scene down in what should have been pilot season, I was pleased to book a short film with these guys!

This short is still in the works, but it has been so much fun to get my hands on another project, one year later! The cast + crew are just awesome, and I absolutely love working with them. That actually is huge, because some crew + cast can be downright nasty people. Ben and his multi-talented crew are a breath of fresh air. Here’s to Remembrance! Let’s get this baby screened!

So, what now?

That’s the biggest question I get. If I do not plan to pursue the hustling actors’ life, ditched my agent years ago, broke up with Los Angeles, and think Hollywood is satanic and brainwashing, what’s the point?

Well, for one, just as things like running and writing are outlets that bring joy and LIFE, so it goes with the film scene. Playing “make believe” (even if for 8-12 hours) (wink) is something that makes my heart soar. Creativity is a large piece of me. Whereas my ultimate dream used to be booking work that someone already created…

My new dream is to break the stereotype and regurgitation of Hollywood, write my own content, and create redeeming quality.

…To be continued. 😉