PART 1: 9 Juicy Massage Questions
Welcome back to perhaps the touchiest series of them all [insert fake crowd laughter]: I Touch People For A Living. In part 1, I dissected 9 of the absolute most juicy goods I am asked. I answered all things from how I ethically drape my clients, to as gritty as what the heck I do if a man has a (GASP) erection on my table. We also established that dubbing me as a “Masseuse” or “Masseur”, essentially is calling me a whore, and “Licensed Massage Therapist” is a much better op. 😉 Seriously, check out part 1 if you haven’t yet.The response to it was pretty wild, hence continuing this here series!
Today, we are going to dive into the waters of some of the top MYTHS of massage therapy. I am a bit of a research/science nerd, and it makes my heart soar when someone else is too. You would think that since massage therapy has been adopted into the healthcare field (and rightfully so!), that most therapists would be up to speed with current research, since their early school days of rubbing salt crystals on their clients in the 90s. Unfortunately, many are still in the dark. In turn, we then have misled clients and everyday joes, who assume and regurgitate much of what they read on MindBodyGreen or a zen looking DoTerra or Pinterest graphic, to be true. Thus begins much confusion, MLM enthusiasts playing “Doctor” and prescribing, and a demographic who subconsciously has the idea that a massage is some hyper-spiritualized, crystal rubbing, woo woo crunchy mama experience.
Educating my clients plays a huge role as a massage therapist, and so with that being said, let’s get into PART 2 and debunk some big, fat LIES/MYTHS of the trade, shall we?!
MYTH #1: Massage Therapy removes “toxins”
Plain and simple: Massage therapy does not “remove toxins”. I hear the word “toxin” loosely rattled off, but rarely do I hear it defined (insert DoTerra consultants, microwave-less moms, yoga teachers recently brainwashed by Bikram, massage therapists stuck in 1990, etc.). In fact, I’ve come to learn that most of the time, this word is regurgitated and most people don’t know they’re talking about. People think of the word “Toxin” as some woo woo, ambiguous substance floating around the body. It really is quite simple (well, kind of). Simply, “toxin” is a generalized term, used to describe something that negatively impacts an organism. For the human body, this could be within the organs, cells, tissues, etc. Many who abide by holistic/naturopathic remedies tend to assume that one must juice fast or use some sort of manmade facet to achieve a detox. The truth, however, is that we “Detox” every single day. Do you sweat? Have a bowel movement? Urinate? Congratulations, you’ve just detoxed without paying a dime or developing sociopathic tendencies via your 14 day juice cleanse!
Massage therapy does not “remove toxins”. We can warm the tissues, cause the blood vessels to vasodilate (open), and therefore assist in (temporarily) increasing efficient blood flow. We can certainly assist in helping out your nervous system for a little while, which could benefit the body systems in how they detox. However, we cannot and never will somehow be able to POOF! Magically eliminate toxins, just by way of manipulating soft tissue (aka: a massage).
MYTH #2: massage therapists can prescribe and diagnose
Even the most seasoned of therapists can utterly disregard this most simple, basic, legal rule of the trade: We CANNOT prescribe and/or diagnose. Ever. In North Carolina (where I hold licensure), this is a legal requirement. Even if I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the woman who came in with a black pelvic region after drunkenly doing the splits at last night’s wedding (true story) has a sprain…I cannot say so. I can tell her to see a primary medical advisor for a diagnostic, and that’s about it. While I can suggest what my findings were via the muscular system and what I palpated, I cannot knowledgeably or legally diagnose or prescribe. My scope of practice encompasses soft tissue, and soft tissue only!
Massage therapists have a deep understanding of the muscular system, but we do not hold the level of education or credentials to play “Doctor”. I know some incredible therapists, who I truly believe could go and completely ace pre-med in half the time. However, education and empowerment, no matter what the level or however many CEUs, are never a hall pass for malpractice. Therapists can get boastful and cocky, nonetheless, and mistake their scrubs for white lab coats. Because clients automatically trust the higher power differential (aka the massage therapist), the sea of therapists playing “Doctor” (telling clients what they are doing right/wrong, suggesting herbal remedies, CBD, blah blah blah) only adds to the confusion. In Los Angeles, I worked at a practice where my primary clientele were athletes. The audacity of some therapists – suggesting all things from chiropractic, to strength exercise, to speaking to their clients in anatomy that was not user friendly – left me rather dumbfounded. You wouldn’t believe the number of people on my table who genuinely thought I held the power of a doctor. In fact, one man legitimately rejected gratuity, asked if I was “new”, and was pissed and cancelled his next appointment, because I informed him that I could not diagnose him. Like, how dare I follow legal protocol?!
MYTH #3: My hands are drenched in black magic and will cure you of anything and everything
“Fix me!” is something I hear frequently. Cue Coldplay. Massage therapy is a fantastic compliment to life, athleticism, chronic issues, or the everyday joe who just wants to zonk out for an hour. It is not, however, the solution for anything and everything. In fact, massage therapy can be contraindicated for some things! Every crunchy mama just spit green juice on the screen. It will typically take consistency and several sessions, if you wish to alleviate chronic pain. Relieving a tension headache in an hour is one thing, magically curing hyperkyphosis and a tilted pelvis from 8 hours of sitting at a desk the last 20 years…is a whole other ball game. People also have this idea that if I press and dig hard enough on a “knot”, that I can “work it out”, when in fact, their body probably needs some TLC on the muscle completely opposite of where they are experiencing pain. While most clients are open to being educated and forming a realistic protocol/treatment plan, others assume that every ailment must be fixed and should be fixed within 60 minutes. This is simply untrue. And unrealistic. Consistency – and even more so, consistency with self-care and maintenance care outside of the massage session – is key.
MYTH #4: Massage is mostly a spiritual experience
“Wow; I’m still processing that. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud.” -Bodybuilder
It might sound like an acid trip to some, but I like to call it the sweet marriage of Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin (ok; so polygamy) AKA: You just had a massage. And it was better than chocolate cake, kinda great. Something funny happens when you work as a massage therapist. My narrative has gone something like this: A new client comes in seeking to alleviate a problem area and some pain. Health history/intake forms are signed, we agree on a plan of action for the session, and we get to work. The session ends, and most clients compliment my work, rebook, and leave. Others, however, become emotionally attached, clingy, fall in love with me. Oh, you thought I was joking? Within an hour, I go from a girl with braids and scrubs, to an immortal, mystical creature that hath descended from Neptune. Suddenly, I’m the best thing since sliced bread. I’m the ultimate Holy grail they’ve been waiting for. A man just asked for my address. A woman just meowed on the table and talked about what a spiritual experience the session is (true story). And I am just standing there, sweaty, hair falling out of its messy bun, forearms sore, waiting for angelic limelight to pour down on my mortal #AF self, and a cupid to hand me my shell bra.
People are forever trying to pinpoint “what that thing about massage is”. It is often mistaken for this celestial, heightened experience. I have even encountered therapists who claim this, despite the most wonderful triangulation of hormones being a proven and known fact in the world of massage. While I wish I had superpowers and am flattered that many think I do, the short but sweet answer is that the post-massage “experience” is simply an increase in all the “feel good” endorphins/hormones, as I like to call them. But don’t be bummed! The body loves serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, and the increase in them are actually a sign that you had a stellar massage and relaxed, AKA: Your parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest”) hath been ignited, which is a total party for your health and wellbeing!
Myth #5: “No pain; no gain”
“You can’t hurt me!” “Go as hard as you need!” “Use as much pressure as you can!”
HAHAHA. My favorite. I had to save the best for last. I always smile and kindly educate my usual shpill when this is said. There is this absurd idea that massage is only affective if there is literal pain. Clients assume that one must grimace, clench the table, and have my elbow forcibly dig into their already sore muscle, in order to reap the fruits of the session. This idea completely contradicts the purpose of massage and is only a setback. Depending on the issue, some work might be uncomfortable or sensitive, but it should never cause bloodcurdling pain. Yes, “bloodcurdling”, because I worked in a sports practice in LA that legitimately abided by this method of work. It was not uncommon to hear some clients yelling through the doors. I was the first to debunk this ridiculousness, and suddenly found myself retaining other therapists’ clients. What the crap; I’m actually allowed to enjoy the massage and it doesn’t have to be WWIII on a table?! I preach to my clients that if they find themselves clenching or mentally suffering, to speak up. It makes no one a badass to survive something that should be restful. If anything, there can be tissue damage, prolonged recovery, and an already sore and tight body walking out…well…all the more sore and tight. You might as well burn $75, if that’s the case. Massage can be 100% efficient without excruciating pain. Less = more.
I’m all ears to hear about the best or worst massage you’ve ever had. Let’s keep this convo going + stay tuned for PART 3! Happy Thursday, friends!